What wives, moms, and girlfriends don’t understand! This will be a ongoing  tutorial for women who don’t understand men,  this is just another service provided by the Chumbucket.

Well, there is so much stuff they don’t understand about men, where do you start.

POCKETS:

Most men’s pockets are the equivalent of a woman’s purse; the only difference is our pockets are emptied on laundry day, usually by a woman who finds the contents either disgusting or curious. While a women’s purse is emptied seasonally depending on what purse is appropriate for that season.

Pockets are meant to be a catch all, why else would Levi Straus (the inventor of denim pants) put 5 pockets in them. Levi was a man, knew what men needed, and what they needed pockets for, and understood where the placement of pockets should be.

Back pockets are meant for larger cumbersome items, wallets, wrenches, rags, scorecards, racing forms, comic books etc. Back pockets contents usually remain pretty much the same thru the evolution of the boy to manhood.

Front pockets that’s where the actions at! Items that need to be readily accessible, pocket knives, keys, loose change, sinkers, cartridges, bait, any item that would be uncomfortable sitting on. Small items found that are indispensible at the moment, or curiosities, that will be studied at a later date to determine its usefulness. Any item that usefulness is suspect will find a place either on the dresser, the top of the washing machine, or the junk drawer in the kitchen. Items found on the washing machine or in the junk drawer are usually placed there by the woman of the house. I have noticed that I have never found loose change or folding money in either place. (I know I must have left money in my pocket what other explanation is there to missing monies after poker night).  Front pocket contents change in most cases thru the evolution of boy to man; this happens not thru true evolution, but thru the mating process. Most of us can remember the first time we reached into our front pocket while on a date, and retrieved something that disgusted our date; this was not a show and tell item, but an item that was tangled up in the rest of the pocket stuff. This surprise usually leads to the comment “ewwww, go wash your hands before you try to hold mine!” Here is a hint lady, if you are in a public place, and instruct your male companion to wash his hands, he will, but….most of the time he will dry his hands on his pants or with the handkerchief in his BACK POCKET! (Those dang electric hand dryers are too slow)We all know that the handkerchief is used for wiping anything that we can’t use our sleeve on, in public.

The watch pocket, some men, less than manly men, I may add, usually forget about this pocket. But real men, understand the importance and usefulness of this pocket. Originally designed by Levi to house a watch, it fell into disuse with the invention of the wrist watch (which met its demise with the invention of the cell phone). The watch pocket became home for the small secreted items, seldom used, but very important items, such as single keys, rare coins, all kind of small fishing accessories , swivels, small split shot, etc., anything that a man doesn’t want to accidentally pull out of his pocket while digging for something else in my case poker money. Women never, check that pocket, and the money will stay in the watch pocket through a whole wash cycle.

 Next time we will discuss handkerchiefs, and electrical tape.